I don't know how to feel

Hi Barbara, 

Sorry you are feeling like this! It is so miserable to expect to feel joyful, only to feel this crushing numbness. 

I'm of the opinion that people should be offered counselling automatically when you get the 'all clear'. I'm not sure what area you are in, but some parts of the country offer psychological support, so you could ask your GP/ nurse specialist/ oncologist? The most important thing is to talk it out and not suffer with it alone. Keith wrote something on the importance of talking a while back: https://www.mission-remission.com/Keep-Talking

The other option is to go privately, though that can be pricey. If you can afford it, there are even cancer coaches now! 

Personally, I found planning a holiday to get away and reset my mind helped. xx

Hi, I've also just come out of treatment. Diagnosed in June 2017 aged 52. Had a quartectomy, then a second operation four weeks later to remove my nodes as there was some spred, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Managed to feel positive the whole way through, but now it's over I'm all out of sorts.

Some days I feel fine, others find me exhausted. Slept most of yesterday. I've gone back to work part time, three days a week. I've chosen to work three consecutive days. That's three days of nothing but work and bed, but I can cope with that knowing I have four days in a row to myself. 

On my days off I generally have a huge energy dip in the afternoon when I know that I have to move or sleep. I generally have a walk into town and treat myself to a coffee.

We've been through a lot, coping with a one day at a time mindset, and now feel that we should be ''normal'. I've been told that these bouts of extreme tiredness can last up to two years. So.... don't beat yourself up about a sofa day, your body has been through loads. Find what works for you. Sometimes I buy a newspaper and read it in a cafe, or have a longer walk if I'm feeling fitter. Go to a daytime cinema show, my local does £5 Mondays. 

I've decided it's OK to slow down for a while. I've worked full-time since I was 19 so I see a three day week as a treat rather than a setback.

Get some fresh air, eat healthily and do what your body needs. 

Hi.  Thanks both of you.  I do make a point of going out every morning and meet friends for coffee and chat.  I'm 66 so work is not an option but I have signed up for a course with MacMillan about how to get on after treatment but that's not until October.  I'm expecting a new grandchild any day now so that will mean a trip to Scotland  so there's a lot going on which is why I'm so cross with myself about the way I'm feeling.  I didn't know that the tiredness could go on as long as you say so that is a good thing to know but, you're right, I should stop beating myself up about it and just let it be. It's good to know that I'm not unusual in not feeling elated so thanks again

Hello Barbara, just want to join you in a virtual hug. I'm in a similar situation (timescale, treatment stage, and age) and I feel sad that I feel so sad. I sometimes feel defeated by the headaches and general aches & pains that seem to 'go with the territory' at this stage! I think your phrase tired and tearful sums it up - perhaps I can add lethargic - TTL! I don't know about you, but I have been surprised that I seem to feel rather sorry for myself now whereas, during the tough times of chemotherapy and surgery, I remained (on the whole) pragmatic, optimistic and less emotional about the whole thing. I guess that's part of it; now we have a wider perspective of 'the whole thing' and, in some ways, that's more frightening/daunting than when we were dealing with each part, each day as it happened. Now there's time to take in the enormity of it all.

I have a very clear image of you (perhaps not precisely you!) curled up on the settee in the afternoon; as I slumped onto mine this afternoon (instead of making calls, deadheading in the garden, doing some admin I keep avoiding or numerous other things I 'should' or 'ought' to get on with) I just succumbed to the lethargy. If there's a virtual 'afternoon sofa club' - I've joined!

As suggested by Lauratheexplorer (and several of the cancer nurses) we have booked a relaxing holiday away from home which I'm looking forward to. It was impressed on me that planning and having nice things to look forward to is important. I'm glad you have the birth of a grandchild to look forward to - be prepared to cry buckets!!! xx

Hi JanB

Thank you for your comment which is so insightful and exactly sums up how I felt and how I feel now.  I feel that you completely understand and I will happily join the 'afternoon sofa club' with you.

I really appreciate your hug and will definitely try to stop beating myself up about not doing the stuff that I 'ought' to do.  Apart from the new baby trip I do have a few days away booked in October so I will concentrate on the good stuff to come and worry about the hoovering tomorrow because it will still be there. xx

Sorry to repeat myself but please try Headspace and The Cancer Survivors Companion as I found the, both really ‘saved me’.  Another good book is a Living in the Now by Eckhart Toller - I had no one to talk to when I had breast cancer and then later colon cancer so did a lot of investigating online.  remember - this too shall pass - and found that true.  All the best and you are not alone as all of us have had such hiccups as u have had.

I have just been told about this website, and it is so brilliant to be able to identify with how other cancer survivors are feeling. I got my all clear in June after surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I too managed the treatment pretty well, just getting on with it, there wasn't really a choice. I was really upset and shocked at how fatigued and generally achy I felt. Slowly I am learning how to pace myself, I was lucky to access counselling through MacMillan just to talk about how I felt. I am working 3 days a week at present which is good but am planning to increase my hours at the end of this month. I have found the insight timer website really good for mindfulness meditation which helps. I have learned quite a lot about myself over the last 18 months, mainly I am OK as I am today! Take care everyone.