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Talk
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Keep Talking
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Right, that’s it.
I’m past the cancer diagnosis. I’ve done the chemo-thing. Discovered it takes longer for the chemo to exit the body than told. (Man, that was a strange reaction to the spa.) I’ve recovered from the physical exhaustion. I’m back at work, over the initial set of stunted conversations and embarrassed smiles. It’s ‘back to life, back to reality,’ as Soul II Soul once sang. All is well with the world.
Except, it isn’t.
I was diagnosed with testicular cancer ten years ago. It was successfully treated and I have been out of remission for 5 years, 1 month, and 14 days. Initially, I did think ‘all is well with the world.’ I got back to work, kept myself busy, and all was good.
But then I was made redundant 18 months later. Whilst we were OK financially, I found I had time to stop. I realised exactly what I had been through both physically and psychologically. That was when depression kicked in.
It was then that I realised I hadn’t talked enough about how I felt: my worries, my concerns – the ‘what ifs..’. I could say at this point that it’s because I’m a bloke. Men are inherently rubbish about being in touch with their feelings. But that’s not the whole truth.
I was scared, really, really scared. I didn’t know how to express that fear, even to my wife. I was only able to start talking about my fears after speaking with a psychologist. I only had one session but that was all I needed to realise the enormity of the Black Dog within.
And now? Yep, I still break down when not feeling well. The Black Dog is still there and my wife will still tell you that I struggle to show my fear. BUT the important thing is I keep talking.
Whether it’s a professional counsellor, psychologist, life coach, family member, work colleague, Dave down the pub – it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you speak with a great listener who you have trust in. Someone that has that uncanny ability to reflect back to you what you say to them. Someone that helps you put your inner-most thoughts and feelings in order and perspective.
Pink Floyd had it spot on with their song, Keep Talking. .png)
For millions of years mankind lived just like the animals
Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination
We learned to talk
There's a silence surrounding me
I can't seem to think straight
I'll sit in the corner
No one can bother me
I think I should speak now
Why won't you talk to me
I can't seem to speak now
You never talk to me
My words won't come out right
What are you thinking
I feel like I'm drowning
What are you feeling
I'm feeling weak now
You never talk to me
But I can't show my weakness
What are you thinking
I sometimes wonder
What are you feeling
Where do we go from here
It doesn't have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking
Why won't you talk to me
I feel like I'm drowning
You never talk to me
You know I can't breathe now
What are you thinking
We're going nowhere
What are you feeling
We're going nowhere
Why won't you talk to me
You never talk to me
What are you thinking
Where do we go from here
It doesn't have to be like this
All we need to do is make sure we keep talking
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Yes 4 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy, lost my younger brother to cancer while receiving chemo, even though I just wanted normality do not think family know how awful it all was for me, anyway all well with me but still have fear every so often of it returning.
Definatley talking helps , for me friends and a councillor. I fear recurrence more than anything , after breast cancer and masectomy, a huge emotional rollercoaster, but im here right now and living my life .
2nd January marks a year since my surgery for stomach cancer, treatment finished in April. There isn’t a day that I don’t think about it, I’ve currently got a virus and being sick makes me so anxious, I’ve been seeing a counsellor for a few months and talking has yelped me immensely but still a long way to go, I’m not sure I’ll ever get there.
I had a 14 hour op on the 20th August 2018 which has changed my life for ever I am unable to speak properly I had my jaw replace from a bone in my leg I have scars on my neck and my chin and I am peg fed I have had some dark days since and all I do is wait for next scan to see if it's back I know it's not going to get much better and I am grateful I am still here but sometimes it is so hard I wonder if I made the right decision to have the op
Hi Margaret I went through a very similar operation as you in October 2019 & know exactly where you're coming from - all days are difficult and challenging but some are worse than others. I live in constant fear that the cancer will return in another part of my jaw.
I totally get this. I've had cancer 3 times since 2006 ( due to a genetic problem ) and the fear never leaves especially as in my case I am always at risk. I try to talk about it but its difficult- I've even had people tell me I talk about it too much and should just get on with life !
You have gone through a great trauma in your life and I do really hope that people give you the chance to talk.Could you ask for counselling through your GP ? Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than to those who are dearest to us . Sending best wishes to you and hoping the fear subsides soon .